I’ve been married five and a half years now and I’ve found that one of the secrets to a successful marriage isn’t open communication or any of that other bullshit. One of the best things you can do is find a task that your partner absolutely hates doing and one in which you only half-hate doing and pretend like you totally hate it. Now you’ve got a point of leverage. Your husband or wife hates cleaning the bathroom but it only mildly disgusts you? Well, you can offer to clean those in exchange for them to clean the rest of the house. You act all put out but you’re done quicker and you get to watch them continue to clean.

It is interpersonal deceptions like these which have allowed the human race to prosper these many thousands of years.

Also, there was a story Joseph Campbell use to tell about a conversation he had once with Alan Watts. Joe was always waiting for Jean (his wife). He said that if they made plans to meet at 5:00, she assumed that meant she would be leaving to meet at 5:00. So, he was always waiting around for her and would be all pissed off when she finally showed up. Watts told him that the problem was that he was expecting a different reality than the one that was and so in trying to change what is, he was miserable in the moment. Once he accepted what is in the moment, then an enormous freedom would open up.

This type of frustration in relationship is a meditation and as close as I ever need to going to church. It is accepting what is about another person without trying to change them that truly opens up a relationship with them in the moment which is the only relationship that really matters. I’ve been trying to do this more and more and I’ve found it definitely adds much less stress to my life. I’m happier. My wife’s happier and I tend to notice things and people a lot more when I’m not wrapped up in my own petty bullshit.

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