“Round on the ends and high in the middle.” This is how Maynard started off one of the greatest musical performances I have seen in my many years of wandering this jungle of the Midwest.

“Listen up, stoners!” came next, followed by Stinkfist.

But first came the band Isis which was great musically but they lacked a strong lead singer–once they find that missing piece, look out for these guys because they are truly talented for a six man ensemble.

In between Isis and Tool, while they were setting up the stage; they had some crazy shit being played. I have no idea what this voice was saying over the speakers but it was insanity which eventually bled into a heated conversation between a ghetto ass black dude and a nerdy ass white guy where the black dude kept saying, “I’ll kill you motherfucker. You don’t know evil! I’ll fucking kill you.” It sounded like a real conversation that someone had taped (ala “Message from Harry Manback”) but who knows with Tool.

The stage set up was brilliant: white stage with one step up riser which was also white. Justin Chancellor played his bass on the lower riser and Adam Jones played his guitar on the same level. Maynard and Danny Carey set up on the step-up level and there was a series of six foot video monitors which spanned the entire stage behind Danny and Maynard but which was also projected onto Nationwide’s huge big screens (this is the same arena in which the Columbus BlueJackets NHL hockey games are played).

The sound was amazing. Maynard is the greatest male vocalist singing today and possibly ever (he’d give Robert Plant a good run for his money but they are two totally different types of singers). Danny Carey is the best drummer putting out music right now and he is in his prime, amongst the greatest to hold the sticks since Neil Pert and John Bonham.

So the music was incredible and the videos were in sync perfectly with the music being played (I’m talking down to the second here). They didn’t play any pre-Aenima songs but the ones they did play were all the ones with heart (has Tool ever made a song not from the heart?).

There were a couple douche bags in the audience. One guy two rows back from me kept yelling, “Everyone sitting down is a pussy. Stand the fuck up, man!” I fought exactly three urges (each greater in intensity) to take my car key and jam it in this prick’s eyesocket. Who the hell was this dickless shit to tell me what to do with my body in a public place. But I behaved–mainly by doing a little breath control and meditating on the notion that even worthless douche bags who have so little self-confidence they have to bark meaningless orders at an anonymous crowd still serve a purpose in the world.

One cool thing about last night was that the band took their intermission break on stage. Every other band I’ve ever seen has always left the stage and the crowd chants louder and louder and the band comes back on like it’s some big sacrifice that they’re willing to do a couple more songs for the $100 ticket and parking price that most people shelled out. Fuck that! Tool is so much more mature than every other musician out there when it comes to this prehensive bullshit.

There were hundreds of lighters being lit while they sat there and Justin held his up as well.

This was an amazing musical performance by what I consider to be the best band in the world right now who are each working at their artistic prime and it was an aesthetic experience I will cherish for the rest of my life.

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