The hardest apology I ever had to make was the first one I made to my son when he was 13-months old. I was engaged in writing, lost in the zone and he was tugging at my pant leg and whining about something. This went on for about five minutes or so until I finally exploded and yelled at him, “Will you give you me a God Damned minute here?”

I watched it in his eyes. I saw some kind of a death in those baby blues and I could almost feel myself tumble a couple levels inside his little head and heart. My God, what had I done? By the time I was man enough to ask myself this question, he had already hit the tears and it became a big production.

I endured a couple minutes of this wailing and my wife’s scowling (there’s no justifying that to a mother), until finally I put my ego aside, closed the laptop, went over to him, picked him up, hugged him and made sure he was looking into my eyes.

I said, “Buddy, Daddy was wrong to yell and he is very sorry.” He was playing with his matchbox cars two minutes later and everything was alright again.

I became a true man that day. But sometimes I slide back, like we all do.

I’ve been a real prick the last two days and I’m not going to give any more excuses or justifications because that’s what got me in trouble in the first place. I attacked Tony, Wil and Shane without provocation and while the intention behind my attacks might have had a justified point, the whole thing eventually became like the frigging pink spots in The Cat in the Hat until it was all pink snow everywhere.

Well, here comes little Cat Z with his VOOM!

Tony, Wil and Shane—I’m sincerely sorry for calling you guys out. You didn’t deserve that and I hope you’ll accept my apology as sincere, as a man who has put aside his ego and all the bullshit to get down to the puckered up asshole of the matter.

I was a dick. I was wrong. I’m sorry. It’s over.

With that said, I am turning back on the comments from my initial blog post (here) and I have toned down the rhetoric and personal attacks in my manifesto. Hopefully clearing the air here will allow anyone still interested to get past the emotions and address the issue I was trying to bring up (through about three million unnecessary words) about what civic responsibility bloggers that get significant market share of blog traffic have to their audiences in terms of effecting social change.

So, hopefully this squashes all the beef out there and we can all make nice again.

On the plus side, pissing off Tony Pierce led to a 1,100% increase in traffic to Boys Wear Pants Dot Com; but this not something I would recommend for all the kiddies with newbie blogs and egos that bruise easily to go about doing. This whole frigging mess has been like trying to reach down to pull a turd out through your throat.

And I forgive the person who attacked my wife’s intelligence and character, although let it be known that you should never ever fuck with a man’s family online—that shit could make a man in the wrong frame of mind get into some straight up G shit.

And another thing, blog comments should be scrutinized with the most flexible grammatical yardstick. People are bound to misspell shit and get tenses and all that crap wrong when they’re writing in the heat of an emotional moment.

Again, I hope this squashes all this shit and I hope you all keep coming back here. If you want, sign up for my newsletter where I really let loose to a private opt-in audience about shit I can’t make public less it come back to bite me on the boo-boo one day (like this did).

Tony, Shane and Wil have the West Coast flava but I’ll be keeping it real in the Heart of it All.

And I was serious about the school of Art thing–it’s going to happen. Shit, I might even have these three dudes come out and teach a class someday.

Together we can all change this world for the better by focusing on our relationships and attitudes to those around us. If you asked me a week ago if I would be apologizing to the entire blogosphere for my behavior, I would have told you to stop eating retard-sandwiches. But life is both funny and fucked up sometimes.

Don’t underestimate or cheapen the power of this amazing tool of freedom we have been given to enjoy and speak to each other with. And don’t forget that there are human beings on the other end of these virtual connections–treat them with respect when you can (I’m talking to myself here).

That new world is right there and all we have to do is choose to touch it and make it real.

Sincerely,

Josh

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