Joshua Minton’s Online Pulpit : The Presidential Inaugural Speech of 2009

January 20, 2009

The following is an advance copy of the 44th President Elect’s Inaugural Address. The speech has been moved from outside the Capital to the Jefferson Memorial.

My fellow Americans…

First, let me thank you for the overwhelming support that has made me the youngest US President in the history of our great country. This has been a whirlwind campaign.

I am very pleased to report to you that, while I received millions in campaign donations, this successful four-year bid for the Presidency has cost me only a few hundred thousand dollars. In fact, after expenses, my campaign is still in the black some 35 million dollars, all of which will be donated to the new Public Education fund which I will start as my first act in office.

The Public Education Fund will not support lower schools, public or private. Nor will it fund the bloated and ridiculous collegiate system which has grown fat and lazy on the government’s teat. My Public Education Fund will directly support libraries across this nation as that is the true source of public education.

When I was a young man, searching for a purpose in life; I was able to walk into a public library and follow my passions to that purpose. Without a public plethora of information and art, I would not be standing before you today and that is why as my first act as President, I will cut the apron strings between education and government and in doing so, will open the coffers of government to the will and desire of the many millions of individual citizens looking for a better way of life.

After all, this is what has made America strong despite the volcano of African slavery, the genocide of the American Indian, and the unprovoked invasion of foreign countries to secure land and resources that the sword of our precious democracy has been forged in. We will be working closely with our Canadian and Mexican friends to ensure that all three countries are safe from foreign invaders.

That being said, we still want to encourage talented, passionate, and worthy immigrants to enjoy the present and contribute to the future prosperity of our great nation. There will likely be some growing pains as we secure these borders, so I am going to ask in advance for your patience and understanding and willingness to change in order to secure ourselves. And expect stricter regulations and inspections of interstate shipping via train, truck, airplane, or cargo ship.

I will also continue the previous administration’s policy of analyzing the information flow within and outside of our country. I absolutely adhere to and believe in the fourth amendment and I will be working with lawmakers and judges to ensure that your fourth amendment rights are protected while still allowing this government to protect your civil security through knowledge of what is being talked about online and offline.

When I said we stand at a moment of great choice regarding fossil fuels, here is what I meant. We live in a world of scarce resources and these fossil fuel resources drive our economies, our armies, and our future progress. And instead of focusing on truly developing technologies and methodologies of energy power beyond fossil fuels, which would allow us to terraform into space, colonize other worlds and begin extracting their fossil fuels for future use, past administrations have engaged in a global board game to secure what’s left of the present at the expense of the future of our species.

This was not only incredibly short-sighted; it was arrogant and plain stupid.

So now we have a choice to make–either we pull back on our consumption and model of energy use or we continue on the Godless campaign to secure the world’s fossil fuels while starving and murdering at least 1/3 of it’s population in order to balance supply and demand.

I’m sure that you’re not used to public officials speaking to you with such candor but I assure you that there is no time to mince words because this choice has to be made yesterday.

On top of this, consider that if we pull out of Middle East politics and release our military claim to their oil resources, there is a very real possibility that a nuclear conflict will erupt between the Arab states and Israel. It is likely that Israel will not survive and that a mega-conglomerate Islamic nation will arise who has America in its cross-hairs.

My administration will do our best to build up civil defense measures by providing all communities in this country with bomb shelters and funding, supporting, and encouraging local militias to be organized who can work with the National Guard and reestablish communications as well as provide armed civil defense should any enemy be foolish enough to strike within our borders.

This is a moral decision that the American people have to make because the previous administration staked our claim on the world with the statement that the American way of life is non-negotiable and this way of life is fueled by oil. So either we secure these assets through threat of force and invasion or we seriously undertake a willing paradigm shift into a new way of existence that is not dependent on fossil fuels.

It is one way or the either, there is no more time to stand any longer waiting to make a decision at the crossroads.

What I am talking about here is a fundamental transformation in the way we shop, how we work, and even how we spend our leisure time. Unfortunately, either path we choose will mean a significant reduction in the population of our species on this planet. The United States will simply be unable to continue to supply the world with food and other resources after we move to a new paradigm emphasizing virtual rather than physical communication and travel and alternative fuels as opposed to traditional carbon-based fossil fuels.

It is my sincere hope that our earnest endeavors to replace our dependence on these limited resources will yield technology which will allow us to terraform into outer space and seize additional resources in the form of asteroid, comet, moon, and planet mining operations which will allow us to rebuild the population of our species well beyond even the current level here on Earth.

But in the short-run, this unfortunately means that many millions will likely starve to death or perish as a result of tyrannical dictatorships armed with weapons of mass destruction and hell bent on destroying the populations of their own countries.

My fellow Americans, this is a time where we must make selfish decisions for the future sake of all mankind. We stand upon a moored vessel and are waving at the legions left on the shore. We don’t have to feel good about departing from their company, but this is a journey that must be made lest we all descend into the madness that our rape of the environment and our search for the quick and easy solution has wrought for our entire species.

This will be a period of great change, great struggle, and great sacrifice for our species; but these undertakings are nothing new to this country and the great men, women, and children who inhabit these bountiful towns, cities, and states.

And I am calling upon that collective strength, wisdom, and compassion to do the hard thing because it is the right thing. I will be a rock for you all to lean upon but I need you to be the gravity that keeps the rock in place between the hard earth and the open sky.

We begin making the future today, this moment and each that follows after it. Thank you for your trust in my leadership. I will not let you down.

photo credit: hazy jenius